Nachos in the Big Apple - Mercury Bar
Finding good Mexican food in New York is an adventure unto itself. It’s practically impossible, and if you happen to find it, it’s either a mistake, over-priced, or it won’t be there in a week because it was probably a front for drug smuggling. You have to resort to the common man places. I am, of course, talking about the good ol’ American sports bar.
My buddy, Marcos, called me up one night wanting to go grab a brewsky. I suggested one place and he suggested another, but since it was his idea we had to go to his chosen place. We ended up at Mercury Bar on 9th, between 44th and 45th. What can I say about this place? Not a whole lot. “Nice sign”?
Don’t get me wrong. If you’re a beer guzzling, muscle head, sports jock with matching Abercrombie hat and t-shirt (complete with thermal), this might be your place. If you like 3rd grade-level conversation over loud (really loud) music, then this might be your place (I think I still have the song “Wake Me Up” ringing through my ears). This is a sports bar in heat! There are more flat screen TVs in here then the headquarters at NBC.
Before I start slamming these nachos let me just put a disclaimer in here that Mercury Bar doesn’t claim to have the best nachos, nor the best bar, nor the best anything for that matter. But I have to admit that just a little bit of effort isn’t bad. Like when I choose my women, you don’t have to be drop-dead gorgeous you just have to give me a little passion and I’m sold. Just take what God gave ya, add some finesse, and you’re golden.
So, the nachos – they have the ingredients, they have the technology, they can rebuild these nachos.
The cheese and chips were presented like a burn victim from a house fire. Depends on your preferences, but this didn’t bother me, however it did create a problem - if you grab one chip, ten more are more likely to hold on, sort of like the aforementioned burn victim clinging to life. The condiments came on the side in small metal ramekins. I prefer all the “stuff” right on the nachos, but hey, that’s just me. I asked for chicken as well. Do you see any chicken in there? Turns out there is but ya gotta go digging for it.
I was so close to giving Mercury Bar and their sorry ass excuse for nachos a half a star when lo and behold, I saw something that made my heart flutter and my eyes tear up. Is it true? No, it couldn’t be! A trick? Upon dipping my chip into the guacamole, a big, fat piece of avocado stuck to the bottom made it’s presence known to me and this could only mean one thing! Mercury Bar makes their own guacamole! Ah, my old friend, guacamole…
To meet the cheap-assed demands of today’s consumers, highly mass-produced food has taken precedence. Chances are those scrambled eggs you eat at a diner are from a bag. And that “fresh” salsa they claim to be all-natural? It’s from a can. With guacamole, it’s no exception - bar owners often go for the ready-made guacamole-in-a-bag. It’s sad, but all-natural is naturally a crock of crap today. Mercury Bar doesn’t make the best guacamole but at least it’s the real deal.
So, there you have it, my first review of nachos in NYC. Too bad I couldn’t start with an A+, but now I have more of a mission ahead of me. I will scour the streets of NYC to find you the best nachos. I will not yield to any man who does nachos a disservice. I’ll be lurking in the shadows. I’ll be hangin’ out with the Bloods and the Crypts. I will sleep by night and storm NYC by day or rather I will sleep by day and storm NYC by night. I guess that depends on my seasonal mood defective disorder. Oh whatever! I will make my brother proud! Adios amigos!
